Review Things I have learned watching U.F.O.

[michaellevenson]

This is just a bit of fun, love the show really.
Gerry Anderson's best show by far, as he said himself. Let's look at some goofy mishaps that happened in the UFO universe.



1. When a UFO crashes into a house, cats inside run away, humans inside gawp out of the window.
2.Drug parties of the future will still have Beatles music playing, and party goers dressing 60's style.

3.The best way for a secret organisation to remain hidden is to splash their name and logo on the side of their vehicles.

4.Females are hired by secret organisations so that senior male officers can ogle them.

5.Siamese cats are enigmatic and different because they are vehicles for alien intelligences.

6.If you are a school kid able to guess the content of other kid's sandwiches, watch out!, aliens billions of miles away can detect it and use you forty years later.
7.Alien craft used to attack Earth don't develop radar, you can follow them home and not get detected.
8.At a magnification of x2,155 polystyrene looks like lava flow, pollen grain a futuristic building and puffed wheat a rock formation ( this might be genuinely true)
9.Film studio executives can threaten to destroy someone's ear drum with an acoustic gun with no comebacks.
10.Multi million dollar film studios are really keen to make boring films about Cornish fishermen.
11. Invading aliens play fair, they send a maximum of three attacking craft because that's all Earth's got to defend itself.

 

[michaellevenson]

12. High-tech cameras using electrons instead of light have a mind of their own, can override their specifications and take photos using any range or magnification without recording what the magnification actually is , thus making all photos useless. BTW ,does that make them useless? I'm not sure.
13. The best defence if an alien craft attacks a moon installation at sunrise is one bloke on the surface with a mortar.
14.Men in secret organisations wear sensible uniforms, women wear figure hugging fishnet uniforms.
15 In the future health worries about smoking will prove to have been false. Everyone will be encouraged to light up.
16.It's a man's world in the newspaper and magazine business, women are forced to be sluts to get on.
17. Russia of the future will be an insignificant entity with a tiddly out of the way moonbase and one vehicle.
18. Computers engaged in UFO investigations can't at the same time cough up financial figures that they also contain.
19.It's okay to use an amnesia drug on someone after having sex with them, then re - proposition them in a restaurant as if it's a bit of a joke.

20.Generals are brilliant at imitating the sound of a sheep. Baahh Baahh.

 

[michaellevenson]

21. Debriefing tests for astronauts include watching buildings on a TV screen, they can really freak you out.

 

[michaellevenson]

22. In the future toupees will still look crap.

 

[michaellevenson]

23. Invading aliens have no trouble getting an account with a mail order firm to ensure Ouija boards are delivered to whoever they want to telepathically control.

 

[michaellevenson]

24. Makers of documentaries about earthworms are thought of as kinky.
25. Fettuccine is made by fat Italian mommas.
26. Bombs can be made from a bag of flour ( could be true)

 

[michaellevenson]

27. Closer you are to an explosion, better your chances! According to old miners.

 

[michaellevenson]

28. If you're second in command of an Earth defence organization and need a clear head and incisive decision making, pour yourself a glass of whiskey whenever you're on duty.

 

[michaellevenson]

29. Hooray, racial prejudice will burn itself out in the near future.
30. Nice to get confirmation that show jumpers are upper class right wing folk who bully " peasants "
31. Luckily alien craft laser weapons are useless and nearly always miss, Earth defence craft never miss.
32. It's okay to take a ten year old kid to watch a movie being made, even if it includes a scene of a girl being strangled.

 

[michaellevenson]

33. Britain will convert to driving on the right now the Americans are using it as a base for alien defense operations.
34. Geological scanner machines are thought of as capable of buggering up radio equipment of multi million dollar space craft.
35. Senior officers of a military organization act as if STD's don't exist.
36. Alien devices thrown into a lived -in barge can remain unnoticed for ten years.
37. Luckily for aliens, derelict farms where they plant bombs will in all likelihood remain derelict and undisturbed for ten years.
38. Dead humans, revived by aliens and living for ten years will when eventually die suddenly look like they did ten years earlier and wear the same clothes.
39. Film studio bosses can promise to deliver urgent medical supplies ,at a speed only possible with unknown supersonic craft, and no one wonders how.
40. Sunspots are the number one cause of radio blackouts grounding an entire fleet.
41. Go carts are abundant in film studio premises so villains can conveniently jump in them, and heroes give chase.

42. In the near future Earth technological devices can be adjusted by alien technology to cause time itself to stop.
43. Aliens have xray photography so advanced that it can penetrate deep underground and get information to create perfect replicas of human beings working in a defense organization bunker, but the replicas can't speak, only mime to tape recordings to complete their disguise.
44. It's unusual when leaving your home to lock the doors, downright suspicious even, unless there are known burglars about.
45. Questions to ask a spirit at a séance include, " what will be next year's fashionable colour"
..........and a few philosophical musings of Ed Straker.
46. Bloody mindedness, it built this planet.
47 Never judge a situation by the end of a conversation.
48. The things we don't say, that's what life is all about, I guess.
49. Is our entire universe contained in a grain of sand, on a beach, in another universe. Space is infinite outwards and inwards. ( mmm, quite thought provoking)
50. The long finger of tragic coincidence across a billion miles of space. Is it the end or the beginning, where does the universe end, where does it begin?
51. For Aliens wishing to secretly come to Earth to harvest organs from live donors, the best thing to do is er...um...release toxic gas that will kill mankind. (Episode Destruction)
It's got Stephanie Beacham in it, so we'll say no more.

52. If you're going to murder someone as they enter a cottage, or any building, claiming you thought it was an intruder, first you must get photos of all cottage rooms and study them carefully....might be useful. Oh and then leave them in cottage for authorities to find.
53. You should always check with a security computer to see if a femme fatale is a danger to you, even if she previously smashed a vase over your head and tried to run you down in a car.

 

[michaellevenson]

54. Top security situations can be discussed in a crowded restaurant.
55. A pack of dogs is always handy to have around in case a cat telepathically controlled by aliens is on the loose.
56. If an alien you interrogate in English can't understand you, give him an injection to lower his resistance, because it's obviously not because he doesn't speak English.
57. Alien tech is capable of freezing in time the SHADO HQ, but only objects moving in time, so that explains why the lifts still work, they ARE NOT going forward in time!!? EH?
But as it is in the greatest episode of UFO Timelash we'll forgive this gobbledegook.

 

[michaellevenson]

58. If the Aliens give you mastery over time, enabling you to dodge bullets fired at point blank range , it really is jolly hilarious and guffawing is something you have to do.

59. If aliens burn out the personality centres of your brain and control you by radio waves it really improves your ability to play chess, and beat people you previously kept losing to, unfortunately this may raise suspicions.

This may lead to;
60. If someone beats you at chess that you usually beat, report them because they're probably unstable.

 

[michaellevenson]

61. If you take a word association test and the tester says " black" you've just gotta say
" white" because if you say anything else like " bird" you'll be assumed to he having a crush on a black work colleague and be trying to hide it.

 

[michaellevenson]

62. All those radio music chart shows you listened to in the 80's were covering up the fact that popular music of 1980 and beyond was all 60's music! At least that's all operatives of alien defense organisations listened to.

 

[michaellevenson]

63. If your boss denies being a pig headed cretinous lout, you can record him saying this, remove the negative connotation and play it back to him and get a big laugh. Try it!

 

[michaellevenson]

64. Another Ed Straker nugget of wisdom;
Being Wrong/Right is harder than being Right/Right ! ( don't ask me)
65. If you're a secretary to an Admiral used to secrecy AND you're a traitor giving secrets to aliens using equipment in your apartment AND your new boyfriend only recently met says he's in the service too, checking on personnel, makes perfect sense to give him keys to your apartment.
66. Computers get particularly tetchy when asked questions without all the information fed into it to answer satisfactorily.
67. Home made film documentaries about butterflies would be fantastic to entertain your dinner guests with....apparently.
68. Birds and wildlife generally are super sensitive to alien spaceships hidden on lake bottoms.
69. It's okay to use the crotch of a female colleague to make your boss appear to be a moron as.....
70.....You can trick your boss into thinking female inner thighs magnified a thousand times look just like alien planets.

71. A package left by a mail company containing a Ouija Board can be confused with a package containing face cream.