Catweazle s01e09- The Demi Devil ( scene by scene)


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Note- this completes transcriptions for series 1 all 13 done, 2 to do for series 2.

Catweazle is in the woods hiding behind a tree, spying a strange sight. A middle-aged man, in a raincoat carrying a shotgun stops in a clearing, checks that nobody is around, then fires into the air.
The man, Colonel Upshaw, then walks off, leaving Catweazle clutching his ears, and wailing, he's gone temporarily deaf, the result of the loud gunshot, panicking he runs off.
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Meantime at Hexwood farm, George Bennett enters kitchen,
G " Carrot?"
He goes into dining room to see breakfast crockery and cereal box still on table, in kitchen the sink is piled high with dirty plates and cups.
G " Carrot?"
Sam comes in,
S " you called Boss?"
G " seen Carrot?"
S " no"
G " look at this, he hasn't even cleared the breakfast things away."
S " ought to wash up as you go, my mother says."
G ( sigh) " does she?"
S " afraid that clutch has had it Mr Bennett, I can't get the parts till tomorrow."
G " I'm supposed to drive over to see the Colonel this evening."
S " tell you what I could take you in my car"
G " thank you Sam"
Riding in Sam's old banger not filling George with enthusiasm. He throws a tea towel in Sam's direction.
G" here you dry I'll wash."
They start the washing up.
S " that fox is around, taken another couple of chickens."

In Castle Saburac Carrot awaits Catweazle's return, he looks annoyed, checking his watch, he turns to Touchwood the toad.
C" what's he playing at Touchwood?"
A couple of chickens are here in the water tank too. A noise, Catweazle climbs down into tank, sees Carrot and starts climbing back up.
C" come here....come on. Where have you been?"
CW " thou are a prying ferret."
C " and you're a thieving layabout, what about these chickens"
CW " er....I found them"
C" don't you understand about stealing Catweazle, you'd pinch one of our cows if you could get it up here."
Catweazle goes up to chickens,
CW " idle birds make me an egg."
C "I help you as much as I can, look at all the bananas you've had"
CW " tis true, tis true, but what of thy magic?"
C" how many times do I have to tell you, it's not magic, it's science "
CW ( angry) " men fly through the air and tis not magic!? Thou think me a fool. I WANT THE ELECTRICKERY!"
C" well you can't have it"
CW " I will blast thee"
C( in yokel accent) " go on, blast away."
C " oh don't start"
Carrot starts climbing up ladder and out.
CW " oh you shall SUFFER"
C " so will you if I catch you pinching again, I'll turn you in"
CW " into what?"
C" not into anything, just in."
Carrot goes as Catweazle shouts after him,
CW " SPIDER'S SPITTLE, I will confound thee."
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Member: Rank 8
Back at Hexwood Sam and George still washing up,
S " I think he gets a bit bored on these long holidays, he'll be alright when he gets back to school."
G "it's time he started pulling his weight"
Sam holds a dried plate,
S " where shall I put.....( then drops it, smashing it).
G " just dry them Sam, I'll put them away.
S " all the same, I reckon he's a bit lonely."
G " that's his fault, doesn't have to spend all this time alone."
Colonel Upshaw enters, still carrying shotgun.
Up " George"
G " morning Sir"
Up" Woodyard"
S " morning Colonel Upshaw."
Up " awfully sorry to burst in like this, bit of a crisis what."
G " what's wrong?"
Up " dusting my rhinoceros when it happened."
S " eh?!"
Up " quick as a flash, must find him."
S " who?"
Up " boy"
G " boy?"
Up " Boy, my monkey."

In Castle Saburac Catweazle is by a fire, reading from his magic spells book,
CW " take thee a mandrake, bind the root with a witchladder"
He picks up a mandrake root, and a witchladder , a long thin plant reed, and twists reed around mandrake root.
CW ( reading) " saying the while....Rapkyn thy writing is a poor scrawl....saying the while, a hog, a dog, a bat, a cat, a mole, a vole, a pig and a rat, as these knots bind thee tight, be thy now the one I spite. Change thou thy shape."
Outside in the woods nearby is Colonel Upshaw's lost monkey, Boy, eating a banana skin that Catweazle discarded. The monkey is dressed in a blue top and blue jeans! Oh dear...
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Member: Rank 8
Colonel Upshaw has been served tea by George, he chats with Sam too as he drinks.
S " you don't suppose that fox could have got him?"
Up "no, too quick, runs like a monkey, ha ha, is a monkey. I thought he might have come down this way you see. Little beggar always running off, dashed annoying."
G " yes it is isn't it"
Up " would have to happen when I've got Wheeler coming down"
G " Wheeler?"
Up " Wheeler, Nathaniel Wheeler, you know the explorer chap. Funny thing, All those years in Africa and our paths never crossed. Mind you big place."
G " yes it is"
Up " what is?"
G "Africa, big place"
Up " you don't have to tell me that George I know, good heavens. Wheeler and I wrote for many years, I'm a great admirer, never thought he'd come down to see me. Where was I?"
G " your monkey "
Up " my monkey? What are you on about, oh my monkey! By George you're right, hang on a minute."
Upshaw takes three bananas out of his raincoat pocket, hands one each to George and Sam,
Up " bait".
Carrot walks in from kitchen back door,
Up " have you seen him?"
C ," who?"
Up " my monkey."
C "no"
G " come here, where have you been?"
Carrot slinks over to George, Upshaw goes to leave,
Up " oh George don't be late tonight, by the way bring Edward "
G " I don't think...."
Up " yes of course, Nathaniel Wheeler's coming Edward."
Up " ready Woodyard?"
S " yes Sir"
Up " come along then."
Upshaw and Sam armed with bananas look for Boy.
C ( excitedly) " Nathaniel Wheeler fantastic."
G " listen Carrot "
C " he's the explorer I've read all his..."
G ( sternly) " I know who he is, I also know you are becoming bone idle. Sam and I can't be expected to do all the housework, get this place cleaned up."
C " can't I come and look for the monkey?"
G " NO"
George leaves ,Carrot dejectedly goes over to the sink to clear up.
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Member: Rank 8
In Castle Saburac Catweazle is busy drawing a pentagram on a large piece of paper. He senses something wrong, he turns and sees the monkey! At first afraid,
CW " SHEMPAMPERASH! AVORT THY GOBLIN! What kind of devil art thou?"
The monkey, Boy, picks up one of Catweazle's bananas and unpeels it,
CW ( realising) " art thou...Touchwood see how strong was my spell, it is our brother!"
Catweazle picks up Boy, laughing now,
CW "aha aha, canst thou speak? ,I warned thee of my power you disbelieving driblet. Thou are a strange beast, but thy still has thy old look, you are but half changed, a demi devil."
Catweazle lets Boy clamber onto his shoulder.

CW " mock me now thy hairy thing, haha, be good to me and I'll change thee back."

Carrot meanwhile is doing a good job at clearing the kitchen mess.

Catweazle is once again at his fire, holding the mandrake root, now unwinding the witchladder reed saying,
CW " as these knots now thee unbind be now once more humankind. Change now thy shape."
He looks at monkey, no change of course.
CW " change thy shape "
Still nothing,
Catweazle picks up Boy,
CW ( desperately) " change thy shape...nothing works.!"

Carrot has just about finished, the kitchen and dining room looks clean and tidy.

Catweazle has placed Boy in a cardboard box and tied it with string.
CW " canst thou breathe my brother? Fear not thou will be changed, come, guard well Touchwood, I take thee to a great magician, he makes thunder with a magic stick, he will change thee."

Upshaw arrives home, a mansion, he enters the drawing room, next to which is a conservatory full of tall potted plants, mostly exotic. The walls dotted with heads of stuffed animals, beasts, the treasures of a big game African hunter/explorer now retired.
Up ( bellows) " COOTE...COOTE....COOTE. "
A middle-aged lady runs in, the housekeeper, rather timid.
Ct " Colonel?"
Up " where's my lunch?"
Ct " been arranging the flowers for our visitor"
Up " can't eat flowers Coote."
Ct " well I thought..."
Up " ah don't think Coote, mustn't think, lunch at thirteen hundred hours, now ten past."
Ct " oh dear, I'll bring it directly."
Upshaw used to barking out orders military style and Coote meekly accepts this. Perhaps he pays her well !!
Coote brings in lunch on a tray, passing the cage where Boy usually is kept. The cage is large, so the monkey has a good run to play in, about 6 feet square.
Ct" oh, you didn't find him?"
Up " no Boy's gone this time, no sign of the little chap"
Ct " he's answered the call of the wild Colonel."
Up " call of the wild? Don't be ridiculous, he was born in Harrods. Oh by the way I've asked Bennett to bring his youngster over this evening thought he'd like to meet Wheeler."
Ct ( smiles)" oh well, I'll make some cakes."
Upshaw looks towards plants in conservatory,
Up " Coote have you watered?"
Ct " oh no.."
Up "not good enough Coote not good enough. Watering twelve thirty hundred hours, look at Fagus Sylvatica, parched positively parched Coote"
Ct " shall I?"
Up " no no fall out! I'll do it take my mind off Boy".
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Member: Rank 8
Upshaw goes into conservatory, by the window is a tap, he attaches hosepipe to it, picks up yellow bucket, turns tap on, water running into bucket, and carefully goes over to one of his many beloved plants.
Up " there you are ladies, here's your drink my dears."
Catweazle climbs through window into conservatory, holding box containing Boy. He sees tap, and thinks, what does this do?
He turns tap off, in turn Upshaw at plants is puzzled, where's the water gone. He stares down barrel of hose to see if its blocked, unfortunately Catweazle turns tap back on.
Up ( getting drenched) " COOTE! COOTE! STOP IT."
Upshaw runs to tap and turns it off spraying water everywhere, including drenching Catweazle.
Up " what an earth d'you think you're doing?"
CW " I am Catweazle."
Upshaw wiping his face with a hanky not really listening,
Up " you're Nat Wheeler, my dear chap, you're soaking absolutely soaking. Didn't know it was you, no idea, don't look like your photograph. Wasn't expecting you till later. ( bellows) COOTE COOTE, must find you something to change into."
CW " change into!?"
Coote runs in and gasps at the sight of Catweazle,
Up " ah Coote lay another place, Mr Wheeler has arrived."

At the dining table at Hexwood,
C " please Dad"
G " alright you can come, we'll you've done a pretty good job at cleaning the place up."
C " have you read any of his books?"
G " whose books?"
C " Nathaniel Wheeler."
Carrot gets a book from the sideboard and shows George who reads the title.
G " Up The Congo"

At Upshaw's, Colonel Upshaw is leading Catweazle into dining room, Catweazle wearing white shirt and trousers and a black jacket.
Up " this way, yes as I was saying , an extraordinary thing, the next day the chief ate him for breakfast."
Coote has laid out table for lunch,
Up " ah good, by golly I'm hungry."
Catweazle presents Upshaw with his cardboard box.
Up " for me? You shouldn't have."
CW " take him"
Up " him?"
Upshaw looks in box, then absolutely ecstatic,
CW " tis the boy indeed"
Up " how did you find him?"
CW " with a mandrake root."
Up " a mandrake? I always use bananas"
CW " end his misery"
Up" eh?"
Upshaw picks up Boy and puts him in cage, the monkey starts scampering about cage.
CW " I know thou canst, thou has the power. ( points to shotgun propped against wall) boom boom."
Up " there's absolutely nothing wrong with him"
Catweazle stares in at cage, sad as Boy leaps around, poor Carrot!
Up " what makes you think he's not feeling himself? Well come along sit down old chap. Well this is a happy occasion, now to the business of the day."
Catweazle sits at table Upshaw pours two glasses of wine,
Up " there you are, you'll enjoy this, won't we all, well skin off your nose."
Catweazle touches his nose, satisfied no skin has fallen off, Upshaw sniffs at wine in glass.
Up " Château Margot '59"
CW " Château Margot '59"
Up " yes indeed"
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Upshaw sips at his, Catweazle downs his in one go, then offers glass indicating he'd like some more.
Up " er yes, I can see you appreciate it."
Upshaw pours another glass, Catweazle downs this too, and wants a third glass, Upshaw reluctantly pours,
Up ( not too pleased) " make yourself at home."
Catweazle downs this too,
Up ( to himself) " been abroad a long time."
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Member: Rank 8
At Hexwood Carrot is showing his Dad his collection of Nathaniel Wheeler books.
C " then he walked across the Gobi Desert, that's this one , Round In Circles."
George looks at book,
G " fantastic "
C" the only one I haven't got is Drums Across Africa, but that's out of print."
G " I had no idea you were such a fan"
C " it's good isn't it, you can borrow it if you like."
The phone rings, George goes into hallway to answer it.
G " Hexwood Farm, George Bennett here."
Up " George call off the hunt, Boy's I didn't find him Wheeler did, extraordinary chap quite different to what I imagined. See you later George. "

Upshaw returns to dining room, Catweazle has armed himself with a knife in one hand and a silver soup tureen lid in the other.
Up " what's that?"
Catweazle leaps nimbly onto table,
He bangs knife against lid, as if they are sword and shield.
Up " I'm afraid I only speak Swahili old chap.
CW ( jumping off table) " release boy"
Up " that's enough, Boy's alright where he is."
Up " a joke's a joke, put that thing down my dear fellow."
CW " thou sorcerer thou pig's bladder."
Catweazle looks pretty fierce as he advances towards Upshaw who backs away panicking and shouting,
CW " call the witch, thou has no power over me"
Up " you've been pushing the boat out a little far old man"
Coote runs in,
Catweazle turns to face her, then drunkenly sways,
CW " the walls spin ! I am bewitched"
He collapses across settee out to the world.

At Hexwood Carrot is dressed in a suit as is George,
G" 6 o'clock, ready? Got your autograph book?"
C " yes"
Sam comes in,
S " ready Mr Bennett "
G " thank you Sam."

Catweazle is asleep in the conservatory, Coote creeps in holding his robe on a hanger, she looks for somewhere to hang the smelly thing, goes to cage, and foolishly opens door slightly to hook hanger over door frame, she leaves, and Boy gets out again and scampers off.

Coote goes back to Upshaw,
Ct " he's still sleeping."
Up " just as well, kept going on about wanting to shoot Boy, couldn't make it out Coote."
Ct " seems very unbalanced to me."
Up " Africa does that to a man you know."
The doorbell rings, Coote runs off, and Upshaw apparently not affected by Africa, or so he'd say, turns on his turntable to listen to marching music, then proceeds to march around the room saluting to no one in particular.
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Member: Rank 8
Coote shows Carrot and George in,
G " thank you Miss Coote"
The music blares out,
Up " George, Edward, good of you to come. Wheeler's out"
G " out?"
Up " in there, out cold, very good year the 59."
G "it must be"
C " can I see the monkey then?"
Up " he's in there as well, still if you creep in I don't suppose Wheeler will wake up."
Carrot goes into conservatory and into cage looking for monkey, he then hears snoring, turns to see Catweazle.
C " Catweazle? What are you doing here?"
Catweazle awakes , sees Carrot inside cage,
CW ( delighted) " thou has changed, thou has changed!"

C ( looking down at his suit) I thought I better change. Why are you dressed like that for?"
CW " ask me not."
C " where's the monkey?"
CW " thou mean the sorcerer?"
C " you haven't let it out have you, he'll murder you."
Carrot unhooks the hanger with the robe on it and hands it to Catweazle.
C " you better get going quickly"
Carrot bundles him out pronto.

Upshaw to George,
Up " want to see Wheeler?"
G " yes okay."
They go in , see Carrot, but no Catweazle or monkey in cage.
Up " where's Wheeler, where's Boy?"
The phone rings, Upshaw answers it,
Up " Upshaw here, what..( doorbell rings) COOTE!......I see...I understand yes..goodbye. ( puts down phone) That was Wheeler, can't come, lost in Guildford"
G " then who was?..."
Up " no idea old chap."
Sam comes in holding Boy,
S " here we are Sir"
Up " Boy!"
S " he was sitting on your gatepost, little blighter bit my ear."
Up " Edward, want to hold him?"
C " yes please "
Carrot takes hold of Boy, as it climbs onto his shoulder, everyone laughs.

Back at Castle Saburac Carrot is tieing up the clothes Catweazle had on at Upshaw's into a bundle.
C " I'll leave them at the doorstep"
CW ( sorrowful) " I will never seek other magicians"
C " he's bound to find them there."
CW " I will not enchant thee again, or steal thy hens."
C ( laughing) " and no more monkey business."

Catweazle.....Geoffrey Bayldon
Carrot......Robin Davies
George.....Charles Tingwell
Sam......Neil McCarthy
Upshaw.....Peter Butterworth
Coote......Dorothy Frere

Next episode;
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