ant-mac
Member: Rank 9
Have you ever had to write one? Who did you have to write it to? What did you say?
This is one I wrote several years ago, to my former telephone company and internet service provider. At the time, it was successful and I was able to get the result I was after. It was also very, very satisfying.
Part one...
AAPT
Dear Sir / Madam / Undecided,
My name is Xxxxx Xxxxx and apart from being a single parent and a student, I have the abject misfortune of being one of your unlucky clients - account number XXXXXXXX. I was recently informed by an AAPT telephone consultant, who shall remain nameless to avoid any possible reprisals from you, that every time I pay an outstanding debt on my AAPT account at my local post office, your company charges me an extra two dollars. Since when did it cost two dollars for your firm to receive a payment from a customer?
I am an excellent client and AAPT is extremely fortunate to be able to count me among its consumers. If you do not believe me, then simply check my customer history for verification. You will quickly discover, apart from my personal contact details, that it is quite simply beyond reproach and that I have conducted myself in an exceptional manner with regards to my obligations to AAPT. This also means that as a superior client, I naturally and rightfully expect my service provider to be outstanding. It should be candid in its honesty, competent in it service provision and creditable in its reliability to its consumers. Unfortunately, so far, your inept establishment has failed miserably on all three of these counts.
After enduring numerous personal experiences with AAPT, it has become apparent that the lower ranks in your organization, such as telephone consultants and service technicians, are generally accommodating and proficient at their tasks. Therefore, it is most disappointing to realize that the same principles do not apply to the executives in its management. It would appear that cream is not the only substance that rises - turds also float on top. In the corporate world, why is it that obnoxious quislings and parasitic non-entities get promoted over individuals who have ability and a conscience?
I could understand it if AAPT were to charge a late fee for overdue payments, but to exploit its clients simply for paying their debts punctually is nothing short of opportunistic and outrageous. It might be legal to perform such a reprehensible act, but that does not make it either ethical or moral. You have a thirst for money that would make a blood-sucking leech blush with embarrassment. What possible excuse or reason could you offer to defend such a contemptible and cowardly deed? I’m sure you will provide me with an execrable, fictional and nonsensical explanation to defend this parasitical practice.
By the way, the aforementioned AAPT telephone consultant informed me that if I wished to criticize your shameful actions, I had to forward my correspondence to you via land post. Is there a specific reason why I am required to send you this protest letter via land post rather than via email? Are you intellectually incapable of clicking a button on a computer mouse? Do you get some form of sadistic and sick pleasure from knowing that yet another tree has had to be sacrificed because of your finicky predilections? Or is your AAPT internet connection as frustrating, inadequate and unreliable as mine?
The fact that you chose to pursue this discreditable and unconscionable grab for money, thinly disguised as a service charge, was not exactly front-page news on any of the telephone accounts or advertising material that I received from your duplicitous corporation. It would not surprise me to learn that this information was indeed mentioned somewhere in the small print, but unfortunately a scanning electron microscope is unavailable for me to use to verify that fact. If I intended to rob somebody blind, I would at least have the courage and decency to face him or her while committing the crime and I would be honest and forthright about my disgraceful actions. I would not skulk around in the shadows like a Catholic priest buggering a choirboy.
However, it is blatantly obvious from your devious and disrespectful behaviour that you consider your customers to be nothing more than convenient cash cows to be milked dry at every opportunity. It may interest you to know that there is another “C” word that describes you quite effectively. However, I will allow you to determine and identify that particular expression for yourself, assuming that you have the intellectual capacity to do anything other than impersonate a cash register.
As for my opinion of the individual who dreamed up this new form of underhanded treachery that was designed to financially drain your victims - all I can say is that when they were born, the doctor should have slapped their mother instead. Perhaps the medical staff was in a rush on that particular day and accidentally got the infant and the afterbirth mixed up. Either way, in the matter regarding this unprincipled financial misappropriation, they have shown the same sort of discipline and grace as an overexcited paedophile let loose in a kindergarten.
I therefore require that either AAPT refunds the eighteen dollars that it callously stole from me or alternatively it can credit my next telephone account to the same amount. I do not honestly expect someone with your particular brand of morality to comply with my request and it would not surprise me if you chose instead to charge me a further fee of two dollars for reading my letter. Such is my confidence and faith in your pusillanimous ethical practices.
To be continued...
This is one I wrote several years ago, to my former telephone company and internet service provider. At the time, it was successful and I was able to get the result I was after. It was also very, very satisfying.
Part one...
AAPT
Dear Sir / Madam / Undecided,
My name is Xxxxx Xxxxx and apart from being a single parent and a student, I have the abject misfortune of being one of your unlucky clients - account number XXXXXXXX. I was recently informed by an AAPT telephone consultant, who shall remain nameless to avoid any possible reprisals from you, that every time I pay an outstanding debt on my AAPT account at my local post office, your company charges me an extra two dollars. Since when did it cost two dollars for your firm to receive a payment from a customer?
I am an excellent client and AAPT is extremely fortunate to be able to count me among its consumers. If you do not believe me, then simply check my customer history for verification. You will quickly discover, apart from my personal contact details, that it is quite simply beyond reproach and that I have conducted myself in an exceptional manner with regards to my obligations to AAPT. This also means that as a superior client, I naturally and rightfully expect my service provider to be outstanding. It should be candid in its honesty, competent in it service provision and creditable in its reliability to its consumers. Unfortunately, so far, your inept establishment has failed miserably on all three of these counts.
After enduring numerous personal experiences with AAPT, it has become apparent that the lower ranks in your organization, such as telephone consultants and service technicians, are generally accommodating and proficient at their tasks. Therefore, it is most disappointing to realize that the same principles do not apply to the executives in its management. It would appear that cream is not the only substance that rises - turds also float on top. In the corporate world, why is it that obnoxious quislings and parasitic non-entities get promoted over individuals who have ability and a conscience?
I could understand it if AAPT were to charge a late fee for overdue payments, but to exploit its clients simply for paying their debts punctually is nothing short of opportunistic and outrageous. It might be legal to perform such a reprehensible act, but that does not make it either ethical or moral. You have a thirst for money that would make a blood-sucking leech blush with embarrassment. What possible excuse or reason could you offer to defend such a contemptible and cowardly deed? I’m sure you will provide me with an execrable, fictional and nonsensical explanation to defend this parasitical practice.
By the way, the aforementioned AAPT telephone consultant informed me that if I wished to criticize your shameful actions, I had to forward my correspondence to you via land post. Is there a specific reason why I am required to send you this protest letter via land post rather than via email? Are you intellectually incapable of clicking a button on a computer mouse? Do you get some form of sadistic and sick pleasure from knowing that yet another tree has had to be sacrificed because of your finicky predilections? Or is your AAPT internet connection as frustrating, inadequate and unreliable as mine?
The fact that you chose to pursue this discreditable and unconscionable grab for money, thinly disguised as a service charge, was not exactly front-page news on any of the telephone accounts or advertising material that I received from your duplicitous corporation. It would not surprise me to learn that this information was indeed mentioned somewhere in the small print, but unfortunately a scanning electron microscope is unavailable for me to use to verify that fact. If I intended to rob somebody blind, I would at least have the courage and decency to face him or her while committing the crime and I would be honest and forthright about my disgraceful actions. I would not skulk around in the shadows like a Catholic priest buggering a choirboy.
However, it is blatantly obvious from your devious and disrespectful behaviour that you consider your customers to be nothing more than convenient cash cows to be milked dry at every opportunity. It may interest you to know that there is another “C” word that describes you quite effectively. However, I will allow you to determine and identify that particular expression for yourself, assuming that you have the intellectual capacity to do anything other than impersonate a cash register.
As for my opinion of the individual who dreamed up this new form of underhanded treachery that was designed to financially drain your victims - all I can say is that when they were born, the doctor should have slapped their mother instead. Perhaps the medical staff was in a rush on that particular day and accidentally got the infant and the afterbirth mixed up. Either way, in the matter regarding this unprincipled financial misappropriation, they have shown the same sort of discipline and grace as an overexcited paedophile let loose in a kindergarten.
I therefore require that either AAPT refunds the eighteen dollars that it callously stole from me or alternatively it can credit my next telephone account to the same amount. I do not honestly expect someone with your particular brand of morality to comply with my request and it would not surprise me if you chose instead to charge me a further fee of two dollars for reading my letter. Such is my confidence and faith in your pusillanimous ethical practices.
To be continued...
