Fun The Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Amusement: General' started by ant-mac, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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  2. ant-mac

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  3. ant-mac

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  4. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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    Injured Soldier: "I can't feel my legs!"

    Doctor: "That's because your arms were blown off."
     
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  5. ant-mac

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    The US general looked gravely around the table, at the other four military officers who were attending the top secret security meeting.

    "Harry, Peter, Roger, Vladimir... I think we have a Russian mole in our midst."
     
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  6. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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    "Ah, Pussy Galore? This is Bond, James Bond. The doctor at the clinic said I should ring up all of my previous partners and give them the bad news..."
     
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  7. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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    The talent show judge looked up at the contestant and said: "When you said you were going to saw a woman in half, I thought you meant you were a magician!"
     
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  8. chainsaw_metal1

    chainsaw_metal1 Member: Rank 8

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    Huzzah! You, sir, have won the internet!
     
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  9. ant-mac

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    The passengers were relaxing in their deckchairs, when a voice came over the tannoy system.

    "This is your new captain speaking. Welcome to Somalia Cruises!"
     
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  10. ant-mac

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    The MC at the terrorists' award ceremony said: "And the prize for this year's most effective suicide bomber goes to... Oh, he can't be with us this evening..."
     
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  11. ant-mac

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    Do you require a dog-walking service?

    Call Kim's Korean Restaurant on 555 515 515.
     
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  12. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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    Do you require a cat-grooming service?

    Call Kim's Korean Restaurant on 555 515 515.
     
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  13. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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    Do you require the services of an undertaker?

    Call Kim's Korean Restaurant on 555 515 515.
     
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  14. ant-mac

    ant-mac Administrator
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    For an elegant dining experience, visit the Mystic East Restaurant...

    Formerly known as Kim's Korean Restaurant.

    555 515 515.
     
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  15. ant-mac

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    The doctor stared into the eyes of the pregnant woman and shouted: "Push! Push! We've got no staff and the bed needs to be moved!"
     
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  16. ant-mac

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    The doctor looked down at his patient and said: "Before I tell you how the surgery went, I just want you to be aware of something. In my colleague's handwriting, the words 'tonsils' and 'genitals' look absolutely identical..."
     
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  17. ant-mac

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    [​IMG]
     
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  18. ant-mac

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  19. ant-mac

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    And once again, Tiger Woods demonstrates to the world why he is considered to be such an elite athlete...

    He's got his wood out and he's in a nasty bit of rough.
     
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  20. ant-mac

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    The talent show judge looked up at the contestant and said: "When you said you were going to ride a donkey, that's not what I thought you meant!"
     
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