Fun The Joke Thread

ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
And as I climaxed inside of her, I knew I'd never be allowed to visit the Statue of Liberty again...
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
In reality, I'm a man trapped inside the body of a woman...

It happened last night while we were trying a new position and we're both too embarrassed to phone for help.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”

His wife asked, “How do you know?”

“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
My mate told me he's going out with twins.

I said to him, "That's great, but how do you tell them apart?"

He said, "The brother has a moustache."
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said I had the biggest penis she'd ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse!

Do you think I should change dentists?
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
Three cowboys sat around a campfire, bragging about how tough they were.

The first cowboy said, "I was attacked by six rustlers, but I was able to fight them all off single-handed."

The second cowboy said, "That's nothing! I killed a whole war party of Apaches single-handed with my Winchester."

The third cowboy said nothing. He just sat there quietly stoking the fire with his dick.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated, but must come back as a different creature. She said she'd like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said I should prepare for the worst. So I have to go to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I used to date a girl who had had a colostomy, but we broke up because she always left me holding the bag.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
Santa: "C'mon little girl, sit on Santa's lap."

Girl: "I'm 18, Santa."

Santa: "C'mon little girl, sit on Santa's face..."
 
chainsaw_metal1

chainsaw_metal1

Member: Rank 8
Nentanyahu, Teresa May, and Putin are sitting in a bar.

“MI-6 is the world’s best intel agency,” May brags. “We traced that polonium directly to a lab in Moscow!“

“That’s nothing!” Bibi scoffs. “Mossad slowed the Iranian nuclear weapons program by inserting a virus into their centrifuges!“

"Child’s play!” sneers Putin. “The GRU sent our top double agent to Iraq who took a photo of Seal Team Five and posted it on Twitter!“
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
Heard over the tannoy system at the zoo: "Would the parents of the small child who fell into the tiger enclosure please come to lost property to collect her shoes."
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
Did you hear about the politician who voted against a new law to ban up-skirting?

I don't understand why...

If he wants a picture of a cunt, all he has to do is take a selfie.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
And the Christian world is in shock and uproar today, with the release of irrefutable proof that the son of God was in fact gay...

It clearly states in the Bible that Jesus rode an ass.
 
ant-mac

ant-mac

Member: Rank 9
I've heard that Viagra takes between 20 minutes to half-an-hour to work.

That's no bloody good...

By then, the woman's normally managed to wriggle free and escape.
 
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