Fun The Joke Thread

ant-mac

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Realistic Exam Question: If Peter has 4 apples, Mary has 6 apples and Paul has a knife, who has all the apples?
 

ant-mac

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Quick gardening tip...

Before you spread your seed over the ground, make sure no one's watching.
 

ant-mac

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It's 1066 and that can mean only one thing...

I shouldn't have bought my digital wristwatch from a guy in a bar.
 

ant-mac

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There was good news and there was bad news during Donald Trump's recent visit to the UK.

The good news is there was a Royal Gun Salute...

The bad news is they all fucking missed him!
 

ant-mac

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People say they support recycling...

But you should see the look on their face when you rinse out a condom.
 

ant-mac

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Watching sex on TV with your parents can be embarrassing...

Particularly if you didn't know they had a camcorder.
 

ant-mac

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I told my best friend that I'd fucked his wife and got her pregnant...

That cured his hiccups.
 

ant-mac

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My best friend said there's no such word as "can't"...

But that's not what I called him.
 

ant-mac

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I once had a very rewarding relationship with a blind girl...

But it took me ages to learn how to imitate her husband's voice.
 

ant-mac

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My ex said I needed to learn how to love her, so I did.

It cost me $500, but the prostitute I hired knew what she was doing.
 

ant-mac

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It's a wonderful feeling when you finally get the woman you've been chasing...

For miles.
 

ant-mac

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The five most important things in a relationship...

1. Love.

2. Trust.

3. Communication.

4. Sex.

5. A puncture repair kit...
 

ant-mac

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Have you ever noticed that most people have some sort of hang up about their appearance?

For example, I'm a bit concerned that one of my testicles is slightly larger than the other two...
 

ant-mac

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I once asked my ex if she'd be interested in role playing a rape fantasy...

She looked at me in horror and said: "No!"

I replied: "That's the spirit!"
 

ant-mac

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I went to see the doctor and he told me I was bipolar...

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
 

ant-mac

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I've finally managed to live the dream every male has about having two women...

One to cook and one to clean.
 
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