Fun The Joke Thread

[ant-mac]

MORE WAYS TO HAVE FUN IN A DORMITORY SHOWER...

Start singing Pavarotti really loud. In the middle, stop, stutter for a second and then exclaim, "Oh my gosh... do you know what these words really mean?"

Turn the stall into a shrine for a pagan god. Call him Weeshy. Insist that anyone who uses that stall must tithe to receive his benevolence and glory. If they don't tithe, avoid them for the rest of your life.

Take your shower like normal and then begin screaming that the Communists are taking over. Make battle sounds - including bombs, bazookas and tanks. Towards the end, wearily declare victory. Leave wounded.

Blow bubbles. Exclaim that you are dissolving.

Bring in a bucket, fill it with water and float a bar of soap in it. Charge a fee for people to see the Wicked Witch of the West bathing nude. Threaten anyone who laughs at you with flying monkeys.

 

[ant-mac]

MORE WAYS TO HAVE FUN IN A DORMITORY SHOWER...

Hum for a couple of moments, stop, make an "Mmm!" sound and then announce to everyone that the mildew on the shower walls kind of tastes like head cheese.

Coat the floor in a fine layer of quick-drying cement.

Stand in the bathroom, waiting for would-be shower-goers. When they come in, tell them "Not to do it," and ask them, "Not to give in to sin." Wail mournfully when they step into the shower.

Initiate a war with the person in the stall next to you. Use the residual water on the floor as your battle medium and float little battleships over to their side. If they kick them back or throw them over the edge, exclaim that you didn't know they had the power of God and sheepishly mumble prayers for the duration of your shower.

Bring in a fake finger. Float it down the drainage ditch. Ask if someone would be so kind as to return it to you. If no one does, tell them that the finger has been sacrificed to Satan and that the shower stalls are now possessed. Hang Halloween decorations and crepe-paper ghosts from them the next day.

 

[ant-mac]

MORE WAYS TO HAVE FUN IN A DORMITORY SHOWER...

Hang "Marisa Cevasco steals Homecoming Queen Crown" signs in all the stalls. If anyone asks who Marisa Cevasco is, call them ignorant and ignore them for the rest of your life.

Bring in SESAME STREET bath books. Read them aloud. Giggle every time Bert walks in on Ernie bathing.

Stare at people's feet as they bathe. If they do not wash their feet, tell them to. If this happens a second time, steal their shoes and tell them that they left on strike. If they do wash their feet and fall down while doing it, laugh hysterically.

Stand outside the shower curtain, raise a harpoon and shout "I'm coming for you, Moby!" Run in and do battle with the faucet-head. Walk out a peg leg.

Charge a toll for people wanting to use the shower. If they complain, light them on fire. Then they'll pay.

 

[ant-mac]

MORE WAYS TO HAVE FUN IN A DORMITORY SHOWER...

Hang up the names of different farm animals in the stalls. Have everyone entering the stalls join you in a rendition of OLD MCDONALD HAD A FARM, making the sound of the animal in their stall.

Suck on the faucet head until you fill up with water and pretend to be a fountain.

Wet your head, and then sneak into a toilet stall. Flush the bowl and wait a minute. Walk out of the stall lurching, complaining about how dizzy you are.

Buy a bunch of those tiny animal-pills that expand into full, spongy shapes when they get wet. Bring them into the shower and spill them into the ditch. Ask somebody for your pills back and when they hand you little animals, scream, slap them and run away.

Make your best PSYCHO noises…

 

[chainsaw_metal1]

Apparently three out of four people make up 75 per cent of the population.

I use this one fairly regularly. It gets some weird looks.

I also like "Did you know today is the 100th anniversary of everything that happened 100 years ago today". Statements like that make people's heads explode.

 

[ant-mac]

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: "What the hell was that all about?"

 

[ant-mac]

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 

[ant-mac]

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?" Sid asks.

"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day."

"Oh, my God," says Sid. "So that’s what heaven is like?"

"Oh no," says Irv. "I’m not in heaven. I’m a bear in Yellowstone Park."

 

[ant-mac]

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for £100 as long as you can say it in three words."

The guy replies, "Hey, why not?"

He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays £100 on the bar, and says slowly, "Paint… my… house."

 

[ant-mac]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, ‘"This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"

 

[High Plains Drifter]

.

 

[duzit]

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

Spoiler

60 POUNDS

 

[ant-mac]

FUNNY NAMES…

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)

Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)

Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)

Abel N Willan (Able and Willing)

Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)

Adam Meway (Out of My Way)

Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)

Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)

Al B Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)

Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)

Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithm)

Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)

Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)

Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)

Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)

Al Luminum (Aluminium)

Al Nino (El Nino)

Al O'Moaney (Alimony)

Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)

Alec Tricity (Electricity)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)

Alf Abet (Alphabet)

Ali Gator (Ali Gator)

Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)

Amanda B Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)

Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)

Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)

Andy Gravity (Anti-Gravity)

Andy Structible (Indestructible)

Anita Cock (I need a cock)

Anita Bath (I Need A Bath)

Anita Hoare (I Need A Whore)

Ann B Dextrous (Ambidextrous)

Ann Chovie (Anchovy)

Ann Tartica (Antarctica)

Anna Mull (Animal)

Anna Rexiya (Anorexia)

Anne T Lope (Antelope)

Annie Buddyhome (Anybody Home)

Annie Mah (Enema)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Ariel Hassle (A Real Hassle)

Artie Choke (Artichoke)

Aunty Biotic (Anti-Biotic)

Ayma Dommy (I'm A Dummy)

Ayma Moron (I'm a Moron)

Barb Dwyer (Barbed Wire)

Barb E Cue (Barbecue)

Barry D'Alive (Buried Alive)

Barry D Hatchett (Bury the Hatchet)

Barry Shmelly (Very Smelly)

Bart Ender (Bartender)

Bea O'Problem (BO Problem)

Bea Sting (Bee Sting)

Beau Vine (Bovine)

Ben Crobbery (Bank Robbery)

Ben Dover (Bend Over)

Ben O'Drill (Benadryl)

Ben Thair (Been There)

Ben Lyon (Been Lying)

Bess Twishes (Best Wishes)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Betty Bangzer (Bet He Bangs Her)

Betty Beatzer (Bet He Beats Her)

Betty Humpser (Bet He Humps Her)

Bill Board (Billboard)

Bill Ding (Building)

Bill Leeake (Belly Ache)

Bill Lowney (Bologna)

Bjorn Free (Born Free)

Bo Nessround (Bonus Round)

Bob Frapples (Bob for Apples)

Bowen Arrow (Bow and Arrow)

Boyd Schidt (Bird Shit)

Brice Tagg (Price Tag)

Brighton Early (Bright and Early)

Brook Lynn Bridge (Brooklyn Bridge)

Bud Weiser (Budweiser)

Burnedette Down (Burnt it Down)

Buster Cherry (Bust her Cherry)

Buster Hymen (Bust her Hymen)

Cal Culator (Calculator)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Cal Efornia (California)

Cal Seeium (Calcium)

Candice B DePlace (Can This Be The Place)

Candice B Fureal (Can This Be For Real)

Carl Arm (Car Alarm)

Carlotta Tendant (Car Lot Attendant)

Carra S Midown (Caress Me Down)

Carrie DeKoffin (Carry the Coffin)

Carrie Oakey (Karaoke)

Carson O Gin (Carcinogen)

Casey Deeya (Quesadilla)

Casey Needzit (In Case He Needs It)

Chad Terbocks (Chatterbox)

Chanda Lear (Chandelier)

Chi Spurger (Cheeseburger)

Chris Ko (Crisco)

Chris Mass (Christmas)

Chris P Nugget (Crispy Nugget)

Chuck Mysak (Chuck My Sack)

Chuck Roast (Chuck Roast?)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Claire DeAir (Clear the Air)

Clara Nett (Clarinet)

Clara Sabell (Clear as a Bell)

Claude N Skretchem (Clawed and Scratched Them)

Clint Toris (Clitoris)

Cody Pendant (Co-Dependant)

Cole Kutz (Cold cuts) See

Colette A Day

Colin Allcars (Calling all Cars)

Colleen Cardd (Calling Card)

Connie Lingus (Cunnilingus)

Craig Potz (Crackpots)

Craven Moorehead (Craving More Head)

Crystal Ball (Crystal Ball)

Curt N Rodd (Curtain Rod)

Curt Zee (Curtsy)

Cy Burns (Sideburns)

Cy Kosis (Psychosis)

Dale E Bread (Daily Bread)

Dan D Lyon (Dandelion)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Dan Druff (Dandruff)

Dan Geruss (Dangerous)

Dan Gleebitz (Dangly Bits)

Danielle Soloud (Don't Yell So Loud)

Darius Lesgettham (There He Is, Let's Get Him)

Darrell B Moore (There'll be More)

Daryl Lect (Derelict)

Dawn Keebals (Donkey Balls)

Dee Capitated (Decapitated)

Dee Faced (Defaced)

Dee Sember (December)

Dennis Toffice (Dentist Office)

Denny Juan Heredatt (Did Anyone Hear That?)

Des Buratto (Desperado)

Diane Toluvia (Dyin' to Love Ya)

Di O'Bolic (Diobolic)

Dick Cumoff (Dick Come Off)

Dick Gozinia (Dick Goes In Ya)

Dick Head (Dick Head)

Dick N Cider (Dick Inside Her)

 

[ant-mac]

MORE FUNNY NAMES…

Dick Zucker (Dick Sucker)

Dick Tater (Dictator)

Didi Reelydoit (Did He Really Do It?)

Dinah Sore (Dinosaur)

Doll R Bill (Dollar Bill)

Don Thatt (Done That)

Doug Graves (Dug Graves)

Douglas S Halfempty (The Glass is Half Empty)

Drew Blood (Drew Blood)

Drew Peacock (Droopy Cock)

Duane DeVane (Drain the Vain)

Dustin D Furniture (Dusting the Furniture)

Dwayne Pipes (Drain Pipes)

Dylan Weed (Dealin' Weed)

Earl E Byrd (Early Bird)

Eda Dick (Eat a Dick)

Ed Ible (Edible)

Ed Jewcation (Education)

Ed Venture (Adventure)

Eileen Dover (I Leaned Over)